Isis2020.com Weblog

When her husband of more than a decade revealed he was gay, Anna Marie Will was surprised — but not shocked. Her husband, Jim, had never fit her stereotypical idea of the sports-loving, macho, straight guy, and the two had even gone to gay bars with a friend who was gay. But that didn’t mean she was prepared for the news.

“Neither one of us had a clue — he didn’t know what being gay meant for him. … He needed to figure that out,” recalls Anna Marie Will, of Sacramento, California. “I needed to figure out what his being gay meant for me, and whether I could incorporate that into my life and my marriage.”

What they did know was that they believed in their marriage and wanted to make it work. Jim Will’s revelation in 2001 began a three-year process during which they sorted out their feelings for each other. Ultimately, the couple, whose daughter turns 15 in March, decided to stay together.

“He had to learn to talk to me — he had spent so many years not saying what was really on his mind, and not dealing with his true feelings,” says Anna Marie Will, now 39, a worker’s compensation program administrator. “We found out once we got past all that, our marriage was so much better. We still loved each other as people and partners.”

Although Jim Will, 39, a secretary, had known on some level about his true orientation since he was 5, he didn’t want to lose his deep bond with Anna Marie, whom he first befriended when they were in high school.

“When we married, and now still, we feel that we could spend the rest of our lives together,” he says. “We want to be together.”

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